Trading Recao 12/22/15 + rambling

No trades for me again today due to me being a pussy. I looked back at my logs and I just realized that I haven't actually traded anything in exactly 2 months from this day. Yet I call myself a "day trader". I'm more like a fucking imposter, that's what I am. Society tells me I should be happy where I am: a decent college and I just got a 3.93 gpa for this semester. Everyone is congratulating me but I couldn't give less of a fuck if I tried. All I know is that I'm still the poor motherfucker I was two months ago and haven't taken any trades in the mean time. Even today at the gym, due to yet more bullshit school work over the past few weeks, I haven't been able to go to the gym and thus had to do weights I was doing in the beginning of the semester. All a fucking circlejerk. The fuck. Look, I am grateful that I am a guy in the US that never had to worry about being hungry and I know I have it better than 99% of the population but to me, it's not enough. We're supposed to have an abundance mindset where we know we are enough and think likewise, but I know I'm not enough. I'm still in the same situation I was two months ago except with less time. I'm still poor, a weakling who doesn't seem to be getting stronger, and just a person going in a huge circlejerk. Maybe I am developing a better mindset and more knowledge of trading but the results aren't there so as far as I am concerned nothing has improved. I am not expecting to be making thousands a day with my shitty $579 account but I do expect me to take fucking trades no matter the outcome. I would honestly at this point blow the fuck up than sit with my dick in my hand pretending to be a trader and say "I'm trading" when in reality I am just looking at charts and thinking oh this might be a good entry and then proceed to do nothing. This is how a "trade" goes for me: I think a setup looks good and I prepare an order in suretrader, I closely monitor it for a while and internally I am thinking "nah, I can't be right, I've been wrong so many times before, if I short this will just somehow be some higher low and go higher or if I go long the floor will drop and I will be fucked". After I think about that in my head for a bit of time, the stock will most likely have moved in the direction I was anticipating (before it would do the opposite and I would think man, good thing I didn't try it), and then sometimes I would put my order in and when it doesn't get filled because the move already happened I will think "oh well, I just didn't get filled, on to the next stock". That's not trading, that's called being an insecure pussy.

So enough of the rant/complaining (I don't think it's complaining, I acknowledge it's all my fault and I have been fucking up). It's time to take action.

I'm sick of not taking any trades at all, winner or loser. I need experience in trade management and the only way I get that experience is wait for it: TAKE A FUCKING TRADE!

I'm sick of not getting anywhere in the gym due to outside factors.

Action I will take to correct the above:

1. I will take any fucking trade I want even with 10 shares on a larger price stock. I don't give a fuck anymore about the commission or if I am playing 100 shares on a fucking $1 stock. I don't give a fuck. If I blow up I will refill my account and try again with if I need to. I have money in the bank sitting there. I haven't refilled my account because it's not really enough and I don't want to "waste" the money but I will replenish in bits and pieces. I don't care if I make $20 a fucking day. It's better than what is happening now and I need to increase my confidence so when I do actually have real money to trade with (fuck you Hernando and my lawyer, I'm getting my money one way or another), I will have the confidence from having winning trades no matter the size.

2. For the gym next semester, the gym will be coming first before any school work that needs to be done. I don't care anymore, I'm done with school. I have a 3.8 gpa. If I don't make dean's list for my final semester nothing will happen other than my parents not getting their bullshit card that they forget about in the mail congratulating me for making dean's list.

Time for the actual review section of the recap. PSDV was the one that started this chain reaction of thoughts and when I went to the gym and felt like a chump that got me really thinking. Surprisingly, at the end of my workout when I foam rolled I must have found this really tight muscle and I stayed on it for a couple of minutes until the pain dulled. It was tough and the pain was much greater than I thought but breathing through the pain felt good. Like I was accomplishing something, working through the pain. Anyway, now to the recap.


PSDV: I was naturally short biased at the open but knew that with it being a holiday week things could get crazy like with Thanksgiving. That didn't happen and I missed a setup where I should have brought the hammer. During the first few minutes I didn't take any trade as the trend was clear, however it had a ncie emotional spike and then it stuffed. Right after it stuffed I thought "oh it stuffed, I should short here and then add on any pops and then add if 5.40 peaks for all day fade." But then you know what I thought afterwards? "this can't be it, it can't be this easy and I can't be right. It'll probably go higher" So I know that it stuffed and that I should get in but then I make some bullshit excuse that I shouldn't and then bam I'm stuck with my dick in my hand thinking why have I been spending so much time learning how to trade if I can't take a gimme like this. I was also thinking of getting in at the $5.4 rejection but the same thought process occurred except I did place an order but it obviously wouldn't have been filled so I can just make that excuse again.

AEZS: I saw this had a nice daily chart and it could be a nice long if it gets some traction. It triggered my alert and I wanted to go long on any dips. It washed to the prior support and I was thinking of going long but the same process went through my head where I thought I couldn't be right and I just watched it go without me. While it didn't get that far, it still could have been a decent trade if I were to have sold on the first lower high.

RWLK: The only losing trade I would have taken. I wanted to short into $13.5/70s or any pops with failed follow through. It looked like it could pullback more on the daily. I would have stopped out when it held green and pushed.

Man, I am exhausted after puking everything out above.